I don't know what I should give the title for this one. Recently I just trying writing some lyrics, with no rhyme at all, and still wondering when I will start fill that's up. Anyway, I just want to write it down, cause I just feel like it. Be caution  of really strong word I gonna use.

So, I can not say that I'm fine, because this jobless situation is really a shit, you know that, but I hope you don't really have to gone through this kind of situation. Really is a real shit, sometime I could just giving up, or blaming myself, on my bedroom of course, cause I don't want anyone find out what I'm going through. It's like a hell of storm within my mind, trying to find some good excuse for my condition but I gave up on that, cause I can't really find a good one. The next thing I know, I really want to cut back myself from the society, feel like I will be putting in some heavy pressure or became a topic in the neighborhood, I don't really like that, If you have something to tell me, please tell me in front of my face, either it good or bad, I don't really think that will make any different at all.

All of that happened until I finally noticing that I became the product of this shitty society. Yeah, I start wondering, why I have to be upset, when there is a lot of people complaining about their job every single day, while I'm here complaining because I don't have a fucking job. Isn't that so messed up? I realized that sometime we are being pressured not because everybody blaming us or judging us, but most of it because we are unconsciously being so hard to ourselves. We giving a lot of pressured to our little mind, judging it, or even blaming it, that what make us the product of the society. The society nowadays don't really care if you're fine or not, all that they care, If we are fine they will take as much as "fine" that we has so they can also taste it, and if we don't they will just push the shit into your own face and telling you if all of this is your own fault. Nobody care, really, you have to be strong living in this selfish world, if you want to be survive you gotta cruel and strong, that's it, that the simple rule.

Like hell I can think like that, really. I know, being smart isn't my good point, or handsome, athleticism, or an artist, no that's all not my good point at all, writing isn't my good point either. So how can I surviving in this one mess world? I got good insting of surviving, do you know, how many time I'm almost die in my life, or how many time I got pass a crisis time, everybody who knew about it, considering me as a lucky person, but no, I'm not lucky either, you know what luck is, you do what you can with all your might, and leave the rest to the hand of God or whatever you called Him/Her. Yeah I believe universe are doing something for me right now, I could call myself a loser for several past month because I don't really do much to accomplish anything, but not today. This day I found out what I lost long time ago, my confident, my curiosity, and my fighting spirit. Yeah I starting to waking up 5 o clock in the morning again just to jogging or cycling around the complex, I don't really mind what the neighbor gonna talk about me, they can call me a neet, or a failure, or a total loser, but I'm not giving up, and I won't, cause you know what, I want to be a man befitting to be her husband, I love her and I really love her, even though I never told her about how I feel, or she not even the first woman I fall in love too, but I know she worth it, and universe kinda telling me to not give up on her, and I have to start fighting for it. Also there is my biggest dream, that I will make everybody happy, free education and much more, I really love this country, no matter how messed it is right now, but someday I'm gonna build that school that can harbor every kid in need of education, yeah that's really one hell of  a dream. Yeah to be able to achieve all of that, I need to be stronger in mind, brain, and brawn. I really need to stop hoping and start doing, but right now I really need start to figure out what can I really do to get out of this stagnan life, and yeah I'm still going to continuing my Belum Ada Judul, it's not even get to the conflict yet, anyway, see you later.