The longer I live the more I think that people who understands me, becoming less and less. It's not like I am afraid to be alone, it's just, I don't know to whom I might share all the thought I have in my mind. Maybe this one blog the only thing I have left that I can share everything on it.

I don't know if everyone did mistake me for someone else or what. They said I'm kind, I'm not selfish, I'm calm, I'm humble, I'm smart, and so much sweet things they said all about me, but did they not know, I don't deserve all of that. I am weak, I am a liar, I am stupid, I cried a lot, I am selfish, I anger a lot, I am envious to a lot of things, I am a fool that don't have the guts to show it all. I shallow it all by myself, I hate myself, I despised myself a lot. I envy everyone that were blessed with so much gift, yet they don't do a things to make it more better.

I am who born talentless, only can learn and learn so much, yet It only can get me so far, if being compared to one who gifted, I was nothing. I am really bad to know when to given up. I am empty inside, all the smile you look outside, just the face I choose you to saw, all the word I said only the voice I choose you to hear, all about me on the outside are artificial.

I love this woman, an old friends of mine, I tried so hard not to show it, for I don't know how long has it, right now, I don't know why, but she kinda turn cold toward me, and yeah it made me frustrated. I wish she just talked to me, If I'm bothering her, or it's just my mind start to play with my heart, or I don't know anything anymore, it's like the light and the dark inside me start arguing one with another, so I just put it all in this blog, hope they may find one peace full moment. I'm tired, is there anyone can help me to just lean my back for a short time, so I could start moving again, or maybe I was born to fight everything by myself, if that what it really is, so what the point I'm being with everyone, what the meaning all of this..

I am tired, so much tired..