If You're Not the One

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings 
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away 
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Goodbye

It's hurt, yeah it's hurt so good afterall..
They said it's took a courageous heart to start it all..
But it's took the strength one to take the fall..
And need the great one to keep stand tall..

Thanks for leaving me in this kind of state..
Where I can't tell..
Could it be fate or random circumstances..
Everything seems like a fairytale..

When I'm already drowning too deep..
I realised it was all just fantasies..
It's so frustrating and suffocating..
So I took everything what is left in me..

To said one last goodbye..

Dedicated Heart

So, how do I have to tell now. It's seem my prayer are go through, the last thing I still have to do is push my way out of here. I got an offer from my senior or he more like my mentor when I'm an activist to work in the same company as he is. Then I promised him, that's this month I will finish my studies and send him my CV, as far as  I see right now it's doesn't seem promising, cause my Guidance Lecturer are strict.
This one week just wearing my body and spirit down. And made me wondering will I ever finish this final project. Than, I got some news that she is the one that I always adore are got the job she waited for. Somehow it's just ignite the fuel that still left in my heart, give me another spirit to get up, and make thing straight again.
You know kid, I'm always that kind person who believe nothing was coincidence. Everything was a blueprints that we never know what it will become, and we called it all destiny. So than I think if I really got that job, my senior offered to me, or maybe another job in the western side of this island, I told my dearest friend Risang, that I will chase her, I won't confused anymore, I will go right straight to her, because if it's wasn't destiny so how can it be wrong. It's took to long for me to realize this, so I hope that it's not too late. If she really are the one that's I'm always looking for, she will be still single, and we will meet in Jakarta.

HARTA YANG PALING BERHARGA

Hari ini semarang diguyur hujan seharian, tetapi disaat yang bersamaan aku merasakan kehangatan. Kehangatan berkumpul dengan sahabat-sahabat terbaik yang kutemukan selama perjalananku di Universitas ini. Tak terasa memang, semua seperti baru kemarin saja kita bertemu, sampai pada akhirnya waktu memaksa kita untuk mulai mengambil jalan kami masing-masing.

Banyak yang bilang keakraban kami ini merupakan hasil dari kakak-kakak kami dahulu, tidak bisa dipungkiri memang mereka yang secara halus memaksa kita bertemu satu dengan yang lainnya. Namun seiring berjalannya waktu, banyak masalah kami hadapi bersama, dan kami masih bisa berkumpul seperti hari ini, menurutku hal itu nyata dan tanpa rekayasa pihak manapun. 

Hari ini kami berkumpul di rumah Ilga, ya bisa dibilang rumah Ilga ini udah kayak beskem tersendiri buat kita kumpul. Obrolan kita macam-macam, mulai dari kisah asmara, pekerjaan, kuliah, sampai rencana-rencana yang akan kita lakukan ke depan. Ada Pingkan yang bercerita bagaimana pekerjaan di kantornya yang sering nambah waktu sejam tapi dia masih senang menjalaninya, ada Chris yang bercerita bagaimana kerjaan sambilannya bayarannya ternyata kurang sehingga rencananya membeli handphone baru tertunda, ada Surya juga yang mengisahkan bagaimana kisah asmaranya dengan Vega, yang menurut dia terasa sangat serius, dan dia sedikit panik menghadapi itu semua. Lalu juga Suzan yang bercerita tentang lamaran pekerjaannya di Pharos, dan petualangan kecilnya di Jakarta, demi menjalani seleksi perusahaan tersebut. Arda dan Ilga yang menceritakan tentang perusahaan-perusahaan apa saja yang ingin mereka daftar, dan tak lupa Ibunya Ilga yang sesekali nimbrung dalam obrolan kecil kita, dan juga ada cerita tentang macam hal, dari pilkada jakarta sampai cerita kodean iti yang kita gak tangkep. Sederhana sih, tapi entah kenapa aku tak pernah bosan mendengar cerita mereka semua.

Dulu pernah ada yang bilang harta paling berharga adalah keluarga, dan aku tidak bisa tidak setuju dengan hal tersebut. Mereka sudah menjadi bagian dari keluarga kecilku di Semarang, dan aku tidak bisa tidak bangga dengan pencapaian mereka semua. Yang hadir hari ini memang belum semuanya sih, masih ada Tito, Risang, Kecap, Hayu, Prima, Pundhi, Acan, Alan, Kristanto, Yesica, Lowo, Maria, Febri, Juan, Tinus, Alan, Bowo, Deci, Tia, Sony, Adit, Gery, Sondang, Yogi, Anjar, Dodi, Yoel, Andre, Hiacinta, Lambertus, GB, Aaron dan masih banyak lagi yang lainnya, dan mereka sekarang sedang berjuang mencapai impiannya masing-masing. Jika suatu saat aku ditanyakan oleh pewawancara, apa yang sudah saya dapatkan di sini, aku tak akan lupa menyampaikan, Aku sudah bertemu dengan rekan kerja, mentor, sahabat, sekaligus keluarga yang sangat berharga, dan aku akan melakukan setiap hal yang sama berulang kali, jika aku diharuskan menjalani kehidupan ini lagi, karena itu aku juga berharap di tempatku memijakan kakiku pertama kali di dunia profesional nanti, harapanku adalah semoga aku dapat menemukan rekan-rekan seperti mereka. Saat bersama mereka aku selalu merasa tak ada hal yang tak dapat aku lakukan.

Gonna Finish It Soon!!!!

I don't know what I really want to write about, hey kids if you read this part of stories, well I guess you will find it out that, how boring my life right now. No matter how hard I push it, I seem unable to finish my final project. If you asked me what the obstacle is, well it was me after all. 

Last January I just slacking off again, going to Surabaya to find a little bit of refreshment, but it doesn't last long, really I wasted another money my parent spend on me. So I started to think how can I get an income, than I started to learn about money market investment and trading stock. Well, it turn out to be a little hard, but somehow I still made a decent profit. Not just that, I'm starting to take a part time job, as an acting patient at FK undip, I got a decent payment from there.

All of that love stories use to bothered me seem find it end. I couldn't care less about that stupid thing anymore. Right now I just left that kind of thing In His hand, if the time come, I think I will find it easy not as hard as I always trying until now. Even tough that kind of feel I have toward someone still lingering on me. I don't know, maybe it's because all the time we spend together since the beginning our college life even until recently, I grow an affection toward her, but all of that failure I experienced in the past, with the girl I liked and ended up get rejection, somehow a wall suddenly appear within my heart toward her. I think It still the best for now, I just continuing admired her, and I still hoping she still can got some man who better than me, or from all of her exes, really that was the best option for her, the me I'm now is just a burden for her so I'm hoping she will find that man, who will treat her well. How pathetic I'm right now right, can't fight for anything I want, I love, even fighting for myself, what I really want, I'm still guessing, I'm always want to be that man who can supporting everyone I love, but can I??

Like I said I don't really know what I'm talking about, I'm just completely lost it, I'm just trashing out everything in my mind to this post. Hey, I never know how you really feel toward me, or what your opinion about me, somehow I wonder what kind of answer would you like to give, but don't be bother about it. It's just the stupid me after all. Ahh, I really wanna finish this university life as soon as possible, get off from this city, maybe then I can make a new start again, just like Ilga said to me. Maybe I should pay more attention what everyone talk to me..